A month left...

It is almost too hard to believe that I have only one month left of living in Salem, Oregon, at least for a while. Even more surprising to me is that I really have less time because I will be working outrageous hours the next three weeks before I leave. Like many changes, this one is bitter sweet. I am excited to meet new people, to be in a new place, to not be “here” anymore. But at the same time, I finally feel really connected here in Salem and there are friendships I am not ready to give up, or at least slow them down. It will also be hard to leave Salem Alliance. I will miss being connected into Crash, The Link, drama, small groups, all those different activities and the great people of that church.

Yet, time does not end and I know that God wants me over in Minnesota. I feel like God will use me even more over there. I hope there will be great opportunity over there and that I will be able to use all the skills God has given me.

Pride-Something you can't hide

A condition of the human heart that feeds off of the demolishment and degrading of others. This blob, this monster that lives in each and everyone of us only grows when it can place itself higher than the next person. It feeds on the failures of it's closest friends and as it grows, its strength grows along with it. I have noticed that pride is a constant battle. I am a solider in out of the field of love and hate fighting for the right--love. Yet, as hard as i fight, the war rages on and it seems as though it will be a lifelong battle.

I don't think it is only us as individuals. We are currently based in a society that is capitalistic. That is, we constantly rank ourselves in order to push others to improve. Though this helps our products and keeps cost down, it comes at the price of stress and greed. Even built into us from an early age we find that grades matter, class rank is essential to look upon, and SAT scores define your intelligence. Though many of us can mentally recognize these as farce statements, it is much easier to know, than to believe. And so we fall into this trap of who's better than who and supposedly rank ourselves in our own worth. Then as soon as we know how is above us in ranking, we work to move past them while we feast upon those who fall into a lower ranking than ours.

The only issue with this is that if you place us on a true scale of self worth; 1. You compare apples to oranges because people come in varieties; 2. At the end of the day, we are all the same. We all have the same option of loving and causing peace and helping the world. And at the end, we all die. yes, everyone is worm food. Therefor, if i can accumulate all the money of the world and be considered the most powerful man-- then die in a car accident. What good was my money. Nothing. Therefor, a pride of wealth, power, is only as good as what the individual uses it for. Pride takes a backseat as we are supposed to take that power and use it to serve others, placing yourself at a lower ranking than those you are serving. This will store up treasures in Heaven, which do matter after you are dead. So pride, just like any other sin, can be defined as "promising what it can not deliver".

Though this is a battle, which seems to have no end, it is clearly worth fighting the good fight to never feed the monster. I would consider this not a mindset, like many things are, but rather the fight is very physical. By literally placing others before you in line, investing your money into other's futures, and by living as though everyone is more important than yourself, this monster will have no power. This is ultimately where i want to be. People have so much worth and value, it only makes sense to try to show the same love to them as God has to me.

So i will continue to fight the blob that is starving inside me, and by the power of God i believe that i can keep it starving.

"Bob, meet me halfway"

There was a man named Bob who wanted to desperately win the lottery. With the economic times that we are in, he had just lost his job and was reaching the last of dollars. He had no choice left but rely on the lottery in order to survive. So every night Bob would go to the TV and pray "God, please let tonight be the night i win the lottery..." and for three weeks, he did not win. Finally, with only a few dollars in his account and no food on the shelfs Bob cries out to God, "Why God??? Why will not allow me to win the lottery" and to his surprise he the voice of God came to him and said "Bob, meet me halfway...buy a ticket"

"Pray as if everything depends on God, Act as if everything depends on you." 

This genius quote really puts me in a position to trust God while meeting him half way. Knowing Africa is fast approaching- 1 month 3 days! woot woot- it is important to give everything up to God. This has been a struggle for me to completely understand because you hear stories of people "completely trusting God" and doing things such as not going to the doctor. Then people die and one asks oneself why God didn't step in. At the same time, we find people who think it is completely dependent upon themselves to make everything better. Both of these are bad ways of looking at life, and until i found this quote, i didn't know if a healthy balance was even possible out there. This quote definitely spoke into my life and has showed me exactly how i am supposed to act. (don't you love those moments were the light finally flicks on) 

Anyhow, i am hoping that i learn to live this way completely. Let's face it, we cannot do anything alone, but we are instruments of God and therefore must use the gifts God has given us in order to honor God in a way that is pleasing to Him.  

faith to move mountains--mountains of money....?

Sometimes i get stuck. Stuck thinking that i actually have the faith that i do not have. As Jason Ostrander spoke at chapel this week at CROWN college, i couldn't help but begin to think of how his message related to Africa. My heart was pulled in so many different directions, it was hard to actually latch on to what i believe, and even now, i am still taking the time to process that all out.

Jasen began to expand on healing, and huge things happening through revival. Coming from a more conservative church and background, i had a little bit more trouble following then some around me. I believe in healing, and Jesus said i could move mountains just by telling them to "get up." This, to me, is sound doctrine--nothing wrong with that.

The thing that i found was hard was the faith. If i can move mountains by faith of a mustard seed, why is Mt. Hood still in the same place? And if i try to heal and God does not show up and heal, what am i to say? I know that if i am going to do anything, i just have to believe it is going to happen, but still i feel that there are some difficult issues that no one seems to be willing to talk about.

I feel as though there is more to healing than just believing and walking up to some random kid with a broken leg and praying. Maybe i am wrong, maybe it just takes simple belief but i sometimes it seems that there is more at work than just that. I seem to wonder about when Jesus heals. Why at that very moment? Some of the guys have been sick for like 38 years, and Jesus comes along at that moment and decides at that time to heal that individual. And we see that a man's faith can heal him, his friend's faith can heal him, Jesus can heal long distance, or can heal you by just touching the cloche. That is crazy to me that there are so many options, yet there seems to be sketchy healings done on TV and around.

I don't want to be a skeptic of God's power, and i don't want to deny the power that God gave his people... i just want to know what is true. In our world, with our society, it is so hard to find truth--even in Christians and that makes it hard to hold onto a belief. really hard.

Now, how all this relates to Africa for me. Right now money has come in, and i am soooo thankful for that support. But i still have a ways to go. So then, what do i do? Do i only pray for the money and sit around? Do i make money for it, or does that show unbelief in God's ability? So i don't know what to do, but pray.

But it is bigger than just that. It is the whole deal of faith. The entire meal deal of healing and prayer, and stopping the sun from going down, and moving Mt. Hood out to Minnesota when i may come to CROWN if the Lord allows (and if i pray hard enough....right?) So I am hoping and praying, and i really do believe that God will show up and show me. I just hope i am open to getting the message that God wants me to get.

Cause hey, at least i have faith in that...right?

YQ

So this is my 3rd Youth Quake I have been to. I already have the video and collage posted and even though pictures are worth thousands of words, i thought i could also add some words along side it. 

YQ is really important to me because when I went as a student in 05 my walk with Jesus was drastically changed and in effect, my life was altered. YQ was the first time I felt called to be a pastor, and so set the course. Anyhow, it has always been important to me to help other kids get a similar experience, so I have been the last two years as a leader. I really enjoyed this round. The middle schoolers were on fire for God which was awesome to see. The leaders were all really great and easy to work with, and the projects all got done which is great for the people who were in need. By the end of the week everyone got really into the worship, and you could tell that the hearts of the middle schoolers, all 180 of them, were on fire for God and were willing to give their lives to Him. Pretty amazing stuff!

While i was there, i got to dress up as Jesus, as you can see in some of the pics. I also was placed on the "Newburg Car Wash" project where we raised money for an old folks home. I did that both Tuesday and Wednesday. Then Thursday the Salem Allianites got together and set up for the Free Kids Carnival over in Grant Park. Everyone else showed up and we had a blast letting the little tikes play games and win candy and prizes. From what i saw, everyone had a great time. (except Bethany, but that is ok, not everyone can win...). The worship was fantastic, the speakers were really great, the kids responded well. I think that overall it was a great week. 

The thing i loved most though was that the kids that truly experienced helping others were then excited to continue that life style and though it is hard and it probably will be close to never being like a camp built for it, it is still great to see this generation stepping out and wanting to be about something bigger than what they want. If our world could just step out of their "me" box for two seconds many of our "problems" would start to fade because people would actually care what happens to friends and even strangers. The farthest you can get away from God is sometimes the closest you can get to yourself.  Hopefully people will begin to realize that not everything has strings attached, that free can really mean free, that a nice gesture can affect thousands of people just because of the snowball effect. Hopefully someone wakes up and wants change. I know that i never feel as alive coming home from YQ because i start slipping into this "me" world i created. Work begins to feel like i am stealing because i am being paid. Driving by hitchhikers begins to stir up emotional attachments i never really had before. I can feel changed, now i just need to follow that up with action. 

That was GO! Youth Quake 2008

Go Figure, Go Work

Wow, so I had never expected to work as many hours as I did this last week. SHEW! I am excited to pay off some money I owe to my parents for stuff but let me tell you, I am completely ready for a break. Hopefully Drew Stumbo will be over to finish building the Carpetball Table for the church. *crossing fingers* I am extremely pumped for Youth Quake, our churches Middle school retreat that I will be a leader on. We get to stay on the beautiful George Fox campus and do service projects all week. :)   (I know, I take pleasure in the weirder things of life) So work-hard, time to play hard I guess?