Sometimes i get stuck. Stuck thinking that i actually have the faith that i do not have. As Jason Ostrander spoke at chapel this week at CROWN college, i couldn't help but begin to think of how his message related to Africa. My heart was pulled in so many different directions, it was hard to actually latch on to what i believe, and even now, i am still taking the time to process that all out.
Jasen began to expand on healing, and huge things happening through revival. Coming from a more conservative church and background, i had a little bit more trouble following then some around me. I believe in healing, and Jesus said i could move mountains just by telling them to "get up." This, to me, is sound doctrine--nothing wrong with that.
The thing that i found was hard was the faith. If i can move mountains by faith of a mustard seed, why is Mt. Hood still in the same place? And if i try to heal and God does not show up and heal, what am i to say? I know that if i am going to do anything, i just have to believe it is going to happen, but still i feel that there are some difficult issues that no one seems to be willing to talk about.
I feel as though there is more to healing than just believing and walking up to some random kid with a broken leg and praying. Maybe i am wrong, maybe it just takes simple belief but i sometimes it seems that there is more at work than just that. I seem to wonder about when Jesus heals. Why at that very moment? Some of the guys have been sick for like 38 years, and Jesus comes along at that moment and decides at that time to heal that individual. And we see that a man's faith can heal him, his friend's faith can heal him, Jesus can heal long distance, or can heal you by just touching the cloche. That is crazy to me that there are so many options, yet there seems to be sketchy healings done on TV and around.
I don't want to be a skeptic of God's power, and i don't want to deny the power that God gave his people... i just want to know what is true. In our world, with our society, it is so hard to find truth--even in Christians and that makes it hard to hold onto a belief. really hard.
Now, how all this relates to Africa for me. Right now money has come in, and i am soooo thankful for that support. But i still have a ways to go. So then, what do i do? Do i only pray for the money and sit around? Do i make money for it, or does that show unbelief in God's ability? So i don't know what to do, but pray.
But it is bigger than just that. It is the whole deal of faith. The entire meal deal of healing and prayer, and stopping the sun from going down, and moving Mt. Hood out to Minnesota when i may come to CROWN if the Lord allows (and if i pray hard enough....right?) So I am hoping and praying, and i really do believe that God will show up and show me. I just hope i am open to getting the message that God wants me to get.
Cause hey, at least i have faith in that...right?
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