Personality of God

I think I often forget that God is a person. I grew up seeing God as very complex equation. Most of this belief derived from the idea that God never changes. In that sense, if someone were to ask God for, let’s say, rain, 3000 years ago, and if I were to ask for it today, He would answer the same. This seemed logical to me and it made it easy to say view God as some kind of machine. This idealism got shattered, however, when I look at Abraham persuading God’s heart¹. If God were not at all changing, you would not be able to change His mind. Seeing as these two things are contradictory, and the Bible is never contradictory, I have to reexamine how I am interpreting God’s word. Could it be possible that God not changing has more to do with His overall heart? That He will never stop loving, He will always have compassion, He will always chase after His creation? In that sense, could it be possible that God actually has favorites? I think back to the creation story and God creating the Heavens and the Earth. When we look at the word for Heaven, the author of Genesis is actually referring to all that is outside our atmosphere. I just imagine God moving through our universe, through our galaxies, and clusters of galaxies, adding stars here and there wherever He sees pleasing. Seeing as God has personality, I really believe that He may have clusters of stars that he likes better than others, not saying that he doesn’t like His creation, just that He likes some better than others. Favoritism doesn’t seem to be a popular concept among Christians, yet I feel like those that lived in Moses’ time must have felt that God favored Moses, and God picked Noah and his family, so God must pick and choose. This, for me, places God into a different light. Instead of Him being some kind of crazy equation that sees all things equal, I see a God of personality, a true person. In this sense, I feel that I can act like Abraham when he changes God’s mind: that my prayer can actually make a difference on God’s actions. That is a powerful prayer. This means that even on the things that seem destined for a certain outcome can be altered by prayers. This also means that when I look at God, just like I will never be able to completely figure out anyone’s every thought and likes and dislikes, I will never be completely satisfied with my knowledge of Him. There will always be a deeper path to go, more to know, more to search. When I went out on the retreat I realized that God, being a personality, wanted me to just get to know Him. He didn’t want me to try to figure out some equation, just wanted me to learn Him. This is a God worth chasing.

¹Genesis 18:16, NIV

Autumn Leaves Changing

I promised that while I was out on Fall Break, I would give a little update on how college is going and how life has been out in Minnesota. I hope you guys enjoy and hopefully I can hear how all of you are doing.

Currently, I am sitting by a warm fire in a small cabin in the middle of the forest somewhere in Wisconsin. I wish I could somehow explain how peaceful it truly is out here. It took a few hours to come out here, and during our drive it was almost surreal how my heart was changing paces from a high intensity to a calm relaxed feel. My heart seemed to change with the leaves on the side of the road, moving from normal to a brilliance of colors. It is interesting to me that throughout the year we pass by trees, yet most often we decide to stop and take our time when the leaves change. This describes how I am feeling this long weekend—to stop—and breath.

College Life, though amazing, is no different in the sense of how hard I run. I am not one to take anything light. I right away started with more than enough credits, I am constantly trying to balance homework with friends, because we always want to do something exciting and adventurous. Though this is all good, it is hard for someone like me to get away. Whether it is people finding me when I slip away, or me not willing to slip away on fear of missing out on something, I get pretty caught up in life. This is why this weekend is so valuable to me; to just get away and spend time in thought and in His presence.

One of the things I am looking forward to most this weekend is an assignment from my leadership class. The assignment consists of each person taking four hours out of a week and go out, away from the world. No cell phone, no music, no friends, only our Bibles and Journals and an open heart. The point is to spend time with Him, real time with Him. See, recently, I have had a yearning to hear God’s voice. I used to believe that hearing God’s voice was for Moses and Abraham, but never for someone like me, yet I am finding that is false. Yet, I don’t believe it will just happen, that one day I will just wake up and hear it—unless he really needs me to hear something. I think that we have to earnestly seek after Him, and as we draw near to Him, He will draw closer to us. So that is my hope, that I will better be able to hear His will for me and what I am meant to do for Him. I don’t expect that all things will just be revealed to me because I am out for four hours, but I do believe He will speak to me and if I continue doing this, I will be able to hear and understand Him better and better.

As I look out the two largest windows of the cabin, I can’t help but see how God wants to change me. On the tree to the left I see all green, which is very healthy. Green is a very normal color for trees to be. Yet, as I look out the window on the right, I see a tree lit up by oranges and yellows and everything in between. The autumn tree on the right is soaked in sunlight while there is little light on the left. This just reminds me how when we truly step into God’s presence, into His light, we are drastically changed. We are turned into a swirl of beauty—something that people can’t ignore. I guess that is my biggest hope for this retreat is that I come back orange, red, and yellow, broken, yet whole.

Who's your God?

Let's talk Christianity.

True Christianity.

What is the point? What is the purpose? Where is God active? Where isn't God active? Where is God willing to display His amazing power that consumes His word?

Let's take everything we grew up with, everything that our parents taught us, anything your Church has spoken to you and set it aside for a moment.

It will still be there after.

If you still want it.

This weekend I have been completely challenged. To the very core of my being. When that happened, I was forced to asked myself and God exactly what I believe. And by the end it became very evident what I have been missing.

Knowing God.

Yeah, I know, it sounds so simple, right? Yet, the call that Jesus gave to His disciples is becoming more and more real to me. Which can be scary.

Very

very

scary.

If God said, "You're family won't agree with you and will disown you," would you still go? If God said, "I have plans for your life that are going to be harder than you can even imagine, but I will be with you always," would you still go?

I used to always say, "Yes".

Cause that was right.

Cause I didn't know what it meant.

God is beginning to challenge me to really believe that His call could demand people to hate me, even to my family. That if He said I wouldn't have a wife, that I would need to accept that. That rocked me.

To the core.

Imagine if you will that God comes to you tomorrow and says that you will be a prophet. And with that, you are going to have to say some really hard stuff to people. Truth that people are not going to want to hear.

Even your family.

In fact, God let's you know that for the next two years, your family will stop speaking to you. That they would be so rocked by the truth that they would show anger towards you and hurt. Would you still go?

Now, some of you are thinking what I was thinking. God would never have you do anything against your own family. Yet, Jesus, when his family comes, says, "Who is my mother, who are my brothers? Those that do the will of my father is my mother and my brother" How hurt did His mother and brothers feel at the time?

Jesus requires sacrifice.

Living sacrifice,

holy and pleasing

to

Him.

So then the question can expand. This is where we get to the heart of the weekend.

The heart of the change.

What do we desire?

Do we desire a Church that sings and reaches out to the city? Because that is good, right? Yet, "good" is the adversary for "right". Please, don't get me wrong. That Church could be right.

It could.

But more than that, should we not desire for the very presence of God? Should we not desire to hear His voice?

I am not talking a mumbled, foggy, distant voice.

I am talking burning bush, on the mount,

holy

clear

voice.

Why is God not pouring out like we see in Acts? Because we are not intentional.

period.

How long does it take to clearly understand a friend? 5 minutes in the morning?

Come on!

God is looking for us to stop playing games, to quit believing that just because we go to Church and tithe that we are somehow giving Him what He wants.

He wants me.

He wants your friend.

He wants you.

He so desires for you to see Him as a dad, and to see yourself as His kid.

That means coming into His presence willing at heart, "not my will, but yours be done"

But more than that,

believe it.

God doesn't care about your words, He wants your actions.

He wants you.

This takes us to the core of it. The foundation.

The framework.

God has been rebuilding my framework after taking it down. See, I grew up in a Christian home, went to church, was involved in all the good stuff. Yet, God says, "So what?" God isn't looking for another "church goer." He has too many of those on His hands as it is. God wants people that desire Him first.

Truly desire Him first.

When we allow ourselves to really, truly, fully fall in love with Him. There is no telling what He might decide to do. God is a God of power. A God that loves to display His glory. So you are wondering where healing are? You wondering where the prophets reside? Are you wondering where the pillar of fire is at?

How about God wondering where you are at?

God is going to work through those that allow it, yet so few are willing anymore to say, "God, you do what you need to do, I give (literally) everything up, so you can now use me however you would like"

When we are willing to say that and mean it, and when we truly walk in the presence of God and hear Him clearly. Oh wow, there is no stopping Him.

You want to impact the enemy?

Let's do it.

But

God wants you.

This has been so hard because in all honesty, I don't want to give some stuff up. Are you kidding me? The possibility of no family? The possibility of my family leaving me? My friends deserting me. It takes a lot to trust that God is sufficient enough to take away my insecurities and to take care of me. Yet, over this weekend I feel like I am learning to take that first step.

I feel as though God is capturing me and I am letting Him.

Which is so good.

Hard

but good.

I know that the next couple of years of my life are going to look very differently than I thought they would when I first arrived here. Yet, God is good, all the time-and all the time, God is good. So, now I am just falling in love with my creator. Trying to hear the voice of God. Trying to become sensitive to what the Spirit is doing. Trying not to do what is "good", but to only do what is "right" Because sometimes God wants to give us something better than just "good"

I want to be an open vessel for God.

So, there it is. Your beliefs are right there. The question is, does God want more from you? All of you?

And I mean ALL.

Are you willing to throw everything that you have been brought up with and replace it with what God says is right? Cause lets face it, if it is from God, He will give it right back. But let's allow Him to remove anything that is not pleasing to Him.

Let's see what God is able to do through us when we are willing.

We are currently in transition....

If you asked me a month ago where my heart would be at, I wouldn't have been able to tell you at all that I would be where I am today.

Consumed with God.

I always find it fascinating that I am willing to place my relationship with God into a box with a glass ceiling. I thought the "Moses" relationship with God was something for the very elect.

The ones who had burning bushes.

The ones who had the mountain.

Not the anybodies of our world.

Yet, it seems as though God is calling all those who want Him to draw nearer. He is willing to speak to those who want to listen. He wants to use those who are willing to be used.

Not just the elect.

The anybodies.

This began to rock my world from last Saturday, finding that God is more personable than I have ever allowed myself to think. Suddenly the thought that God knows every hair on my head became reality. It isn't metaphorical , it is fact.

God does care.

A lot.

He wants each of us to seek him in ways that you have always thought of, but never believed.

He wants to use our belief to make an impact for His kingdom. Make a jab at the enemy and allow God to triumph over all.

This means sacrifice.

Real sacrifice.

No holding back from God, not pretending that we can hide anything, because we can't. God is God and he knows our heart, so instead of fleeing from Him and all He has to offer, we get to run.

Sprint.

God wants everything.

Yes, that does mean relationships.

Yes, that does me pride.

Yes, it means your heart, your thoughts, your work, your thoughts, your time, your love, your praise, your sin, your mistakes, he wants us to trust Him in everything.

Every moment there is a situation which is out of our control is a chance to grow. It is a not an opportunity to worry but instead say, "God, you got this"

If you want to find times where God doesn't come through, try not trusting Him. If you don't allow God to work through you, he won't. But trusting that God is, and will take care of you, whether the outcome is "bad" or "good", is beginning to have a real relationship with God and not some distant looking-upon of some god.

He wants us.

All of us.

That has been a challenge, giving my heart up daily. Trying not to hide from God. Willing to say, "Your will be done-even to death itself"

So growth, is healthy. Change can be good. God is Good, and He is helping me to grow. My hope is that God is becoming more real,

more apparent,

more active in your walk.

And that sacrifice would come in order for His will to be done-

even to death itself.

New To Crown

Talk about crazy. I am currently sitting in my dorm room for the year chillin on my mac after a great day of registering. I think the weirdest piece of this whole thing is that it feels so natural. I can't imagine myself being anywhere else. At any rate, moving in was great, I am really near Drew which is tight. At any rate, i think i am going to hit the hay, but I wanted you to know if you live in Oregon, i miss you guys. oh, and here is a picture of my dorm room!

Love you guys

The Ted DekKer Cirlce and Combining

While combining, one can get pretty bored just sitting, doing nothing. At least this is how i felt when going 1.5 miles per hour in circles. However, i have found a new joy that i would have never expected to come across: reading. I know, i know, i am a graduate from high school, i should love reading and all that comes with it. Yet, there has always been a gloom over reading for me. This changed as soon as i picked up the Ted DekKer Circle Series. The titles are Black, Red, and White, and the stories have honestly changed my perspective on God. The whole idea of a New Jerusalem was fogged and blurred and somewhat twisted in my mind, that is, until you read of Thomas Hunter's expedition of finding God and saving the world (of course). At any rate, i believed that combining was simply going to be a growth in my wallet size (everyone needs money for college), God has taken me on a much bigger journey of discovering more of who he is, and how much he loves us. This excites me tremendously. I would suggest that anyone that wants to get sucked into a great adventure and possible learn more about their creator should pick these three up from the store, library, or from my house.

With each day, God is showing me something new and exciting, i hope today is going to be another one of those days!

A month left...

It is almost too hard to believe that I have only one month left of living in Salem, Oregon, at least for a while. Even more surprising to me is that I really have less time because I will be working outrageous hours the next three weeks before I leave. Like many changes, this one is bitter sweet. I am excited to meet new people, to be in a new place, to not be “here” anymore. But at the same time, I finally feel really connected here in Salem and there are friendships I am not ready to give up, or at least slow them down. It will also be hard to leave Salem Alliance. I will miss being connected into Crash, The Link, drama, small groups, all those different activities and the great people of that church.

Yet, time does not end and I know that God wants me over in Minnesota. I feel like God will use me even more over there. I hope there will be great opportunity over there and that I will be able to use all the skills God has given me.

Pride-Something you can't hide

A condition of the human heart that feeds off of the demolishment and degrading of others. This blob, this monster that lives in each and everyone of us only grows when it can place itself higher than the next person. It feeds on the failures of it's closest friends and as it grows, its strength grows along with it. I have noticed that pride is a constant battle. I am a solider in out of the field of love and hate fighting for the right--love. Yet, as hard as i fight, the war rages on and it seems as though it will be a lifelong battle.

I don't think it is only us as individuals. We are currently based in a society that is capitalistic. That is, we constantly rank ourselves in order to push others to improve. Though this helps our products and keeps cost down, it comes at the price of stress and greed. Even built into us from an early age we find that grades matter, class rank is essential to look upon, and SAT scores define your intelligence. Though many of us can mentally recognize these as farce statements, it is much easier to know, than to believe. And so we fall into this trap of who's better than who and supposedly rank ourselves in our own worth. Then as soon as we know how is above us in ranking, we work to move past them while we feast upon those who fall into a lower ranking than ours.

The only issue with this is that if you place us on a true scale of self worth; 1. You compare apples to oranges because people come in varieties; 2. At the end of the day, we are all the same. We all have the same option of loving and causing peace and helping the world. And at the end, we all die. yes, everyone is worm food. Therefor, if i can accumulate all the money of the world and be considered the most powerful man-- then die in a car accident. What good was my money. Nothing. Therefor, a pride of wealth, power, is only as good as what the individual uses it for. Pride takes a backseat as we are supposed to take that power and use it to serve others, placing yourself at a lower ranking than those you are serving. This will store up treasures in Heaven, which do matter after you are dead. So pride, just like any other sin, can be defined as "promising what it can not deliver".

Though this is a battle, which seems to have no end, it is clearly worth fighting the good fight to never feed the monster. I would consider this not a mindset, like many things are, but rather the fight is very physical. By literally placing others before you in line, investing your money into other's futures, and by living as though everyone is more important than yourself, this monster will have no power. This is ultimately where i want to be. People have so much worth and value, it only makes sense to try to show the same love to them as God has to me.

So i will continue to fight the blob that is starving inside me, and by the power of God i believe that i can keep it starving.

I Give Ye...Pictures

http://www.flickr.com/photos/39746508@N06/sets/72157620254040707/

Here is a link to a good chunk of my Africa pictures. Feel free to look through a couple, feel free to look through all. Hopefully this gives you a good glimpse into my trip.

Cleansing Showers and Empty Buckets

It had been a long day of working in the 100°+ temperature. People were tired, people were sweaty, people were painted,

people needed a shower.

Though deodorant had done a great job in clothing each of our stenches that we carried around with us, the deodorant, no matter how strong, was not strong enough to satisfy how we felt individually. When you have sweat and dirt covering just about every inch of skin, all you can think about before bed is getting clean.

I needed a shower.

We went down two by two to take showers, letting the girls go first of course. They wanted the showers more than us, and the guys were fine to wait a bit longer if the girls were going to be happy.

Because there is nothing like dirty, frustrated girls,

especially in Africa.

After waiting some time, it came to Cameron and my turn to take showers. Now, in America there is really nothing complex about taking a shower. Maybe you have a bit of trouble finding the proper hot-to-cold ratio for taking the perfect shower. In the Bush, you end up facing different issues.

Everything is a bit different in the Bush.

So here we are, in the middle of West Africa, still hot—even though the sun had been down for over an hour—walking to the two stone stalls set apart from the rest of the buildings, down by the storage room.

We were a bit nervous and confused.

Nervous because we had just been told by Kevin, the missionary, that we had to be watchful for pencil vipers. Snakes that can kill you in five minutes.

death

in

five

minutes.

So along with being scared for our lives, pointing our flashlight on any little movement we saw on the ground, we were also trying to figure out how to go about showering, since it was nothing like home.

On the way down to the showers we had stopped two of the girls coming back from their shower and asked how we were supposed to use each bucket. Though it had been explained to us earlier that day, we needed a little reminder since we had so much other information being shoved into our heads. With all those other facts and stories, the shower directions must have been pushed out. There is a lot to take in from Africa.

a whole lot.

Luckily, the two girls were in a good mood (they had just taken a shower, duh) and they were willing to explain how to go about this journey of showering. They began by explaining that there should be two buckets and a basin. One bucket should be full of soapy water, one full of clean water, and the basin is the left over dirty water because that is what you stand in to pour the clean water on you after you soap up.

This made sense to us,

no problem.

Yet, when we actually arrived at the stalls, there were two empty buckets and a dirty basin.

This was a problem.

To add to our confusion, as we stood there staring down these buckets, one of the African maids came down, picked up the dirty basin, poured it into one of the empty buckets and then left with the basin.

As she was leaving we tried to ask why she was doing this, but she didn’t speak enough English, and we didn’t speak enough Jula to get a clear answer. So we waited,

the two of us,

watching for snakes,

alone.

confused.

Then out of the shadows came the same maid with the basin balanced on her head, this time, full of clean water.

We were more confused.

After she left, Cameron and I stood there discussing the proper course of action for taking the shower. We talked through possible situations, with hypothetical outcomes, yet none of them sounded very intelligent. Either way, someone was going to take a dirty shower. So finally, after too much discussion, I stepped up.

I showered.

It was awkward. I contaminated the clean water in the basin with the dirt and the paint I had collected throughout that whole day. Plus, I had soaped up in the dirty water bucket which contained, who knows how many of my fellow member's, dirt and grime.

But I felt better.

I felt a moment of coolness, and though the process of getting clean wasn’t my number one choice, I was cleaner than when I walked into that stone stall. For that, I was extremely grateful because I knew I could get good nights sleep.

There is something refreshing about getting off all the dirt that you carry and

just

be

clean.

It's time to go...

It is early. this is real! pray and hope that God works his magic through us. i will write you all when i get back! Love all of you to death!

the laying of fingers....

Commissioning: The act of granting certain powers or the authority to carry out a particular task or duty

This last weekend was certainly one that i will remember for a while. All the mexico teams and the Africa team toured around Salem Alliance from the youngest to the oldest being commissioned. It is absolutely incredible that some 80 students and adults decided to give up their spring break to go a foreign country to share God's love. Where else can you find that. 

My group went to the preschoolers, which was a cool experience to have 3 and 4 year olds praying for God's protection over our trip. Then middle schoolers were funny. They were only willing to lay fingers on feet because they felt so uncomfortable with laying hands. ha. It was absolutely priceless. We also hit up the 4th and 5th graders. 

But one of the most impacting visits was when we went into kindergarten and 1rst grade room. After talking to the kids, we all went throughout them and they laid hands and prayed. There is something so amazing about 6 and 7 year olds praying out all at once for us. It just goes to show how many people are behind our trip. I love Salem Alliance so much.

As for packing, i am all done! yes. that is right, all i need are sunglasses and some protein bars. In just a few minutes i will taking my bag that has most of my supplies in so they will be ready for the travel. I also have my plane carry on packed up. The last thing that i need to pack is the camera. Otherwise i am ready to go. This is just becoming so real so quickly! 

God has blessed me financially and i am just about done with all the money portion of it. Who would have guessed that in our economic time people would still be so generous (it all points back to God). 

I will be writing a bit more in the next few days, and then i will be offline. I promise i will write over there specifically to share with you so when i get back, i will post them. Also, i will find a place to post pictures that everyone can see, and when the videos get done, i will also have those for you. 

i bless the rains down in africa....

Africa is fast approaching. Just like anything else, it has come much faster than I anticipated and I truly find it hard to believe that in 7 days, I will be at the airport ready to go.  I am beginning to pack all the stuff i need, which seems funny because though it seems like a lot to pack, i am taking barely anything for 14 days in a foreign country. 

Our trip got slightly changed just recently. Because of a flight cancellation from New York to Morocco, we will be staying in NY for one day. This is exciting to me because i have never been to New York--there are going to be a lot of firsts. 

Also, i just picked up the video camera yesterday, and I am going to be working on getting the feel for the camera so that i can get the best footage possible. If you did not know, upon returning, i will be making some episodes of our experiences over in Africa! I am hoping through these, other people, along with you, can get a better glimpse into what it is really like over there. 

Financially, God has really pulled through. By using family, friends, even strangers, God has made this trip possible and in this "economic time" (as the big wheels like to say) it is incredible that we have raised the support to move God's kingdom forward. It is exciting that many people believe in the cause and i have a feeling that if people are praying as much as they are supporting through money, our team is going to be able to do astounding things through God. 

If you are praying or supporting financially, or supporting me any other way, I want to say thank you! This trip is a huge deal to me, and for you to be a part of it means the world! I have been and will continue to pray a blessing over your life, for the blessing that you have been to me. 

Now that i have all my random thoughts down here (i hope you could follow a few of them) i will leave you with one of my favorite missionary quotes:

"Christ alone can save the world, but Christ cannot save the world alone."

-David Livingstone

Lord here I am, send me.

The Final Countdown

Honestly, I cannot believe that in just 16 days 18 hours 10 minutes and 57 seconds, I will be inside the airport leaving for Africa! My mind still doesn't quite know how to process all this information. I am very excited to see what God has in stored coming up to the time. As of now, my mind rest on packing, I am still in need of a little bit more money, but God has been providing like crazy for me. I still need to get my medicine for the trip. The biggest thing is getting mentally ready for the trip. 

 

So far the meetings have been really good. I love my team, we are all quirky and fun and i really think that God chose this team because together we will be able to do so much. It will be fun to bond with my fellow team members, and I feel like i will probably always have a connection with these people just because this is really one of my first "real life" experiences, or so it feels. 

 

As for postcards that i promised. I am working on them as quick as i can and hopefully you will receive yours by the end of the week. Meanwhile here are things you can be praying for:

 

-Health for the team before we leave and while we are there

-Finances would be complete

- Our traveling through the airports, everything would go smoothly

- That our VBS and building would go well

 

 

Thanks for all your support! I will try to keep you more updated as the time comes even closer!

 

 

 

Burkina Faso-Facts and Pics

Burkina Faso was originally named the Republic of Upper Volta until 1984 when the president of the country changed the name to its current: Burkina Faso. 

The estimated population is at 13,200,000- though that is only estimated, and the land size of Burkina is about the same size as Colorado. 

Bukina is currently considered the second poorest country in the world. 

It is of French origin although it earned it's independence in 1960 and is currently a semi-presidential country. 

Educated individuals in Burkina Faso speak French while most of the population only knows the native languages, which there are two: Moo`re and Dioula. 

When our team enters Burkina, our missionaries will interpret as well as some of the locals who can. And we have actually been learning some of Dioula in order to speak simple tasks to the people.

                  

Because of the huge poverty rate, much which is due to lack of education, my team is going to be building a Youth Center for kids to come stay at, that won't cost nearly as much. In doing this, our hope is that kids can steadily get an education that will last and possibly move people out of poverty into a more stable place of economy. Also, because the building in sponsored by our Youth Group at church, it will be easy to start conversations with the people about Jesus and it creates a great door that needs to be opened over there. 

If you want anymore information, you can let me know, i will see what i can find for ya!

"Bob, meet me halfway"

There was a man named Bob who wanted to desperately win the lottery. With the economic times that we are in, he had just lost his job and was reaching the last of dollars. He had no choice left but rely on the lottery in order to survive. So every night Bob would go to the TV and pray "God, please let tonight be the night i win the lottery..." and for three weeks, he did not win. Finally, with only a few dollars in his account and no food on the shelfs Bob cries out to God, "Why God??? Why will not allow me to win the lottery" and to his surprise he the voice of God came to him and said "Bob, meet me halfway...buy a ticket"

"Pray as if everything depends on God, Act as if everything depends on you." 

This genius quote really puts me in a position to trust God while meeting him half way. Knowing Africa is fast approaching- 1 month 3 days! woot woot- it is important to give everything up to God. This has been a struggle for me to completely understand because you hear stories of people "completely trusting God" and doing things such as not going to the doctor. Then people die and one asks oneself why God didn't step in. At the same time, we find people who think it is completely dependent upon themselves to make everything better. Both of these are bad ways of looking at life, and until i found this quote, i didn't know if a healthy balance was even possible out there. This quote definitely spoke into my life and has showed me exactly how i am supposed to act. (don't you love those moments were the light finally flicks on) 

Anyhow, i am hoping that i learn to live this way completely. Let's face it, we cannot do anything alone, but we are instruments of God and therefore must use the gifts God has given us in order to honor God in a way that is pleasing to Him.  

faith to move mountains--mountains of money....?

Sometimes i get stuck. Stuck thinking that i actually have the faith that i do not have. As Jason Ostrander spoke at chapel this week at CROWN college, i couldn't help but begin to think of how his message related to Africa. My heart was pulled in so many different directions, it was hard to actually latch on to what i believe, and even now, i am still taking the time to process that all out.

Jasen began to expand on healing, and huge things happening through revival. Coming from a more conservative church and background, i had a little bit more trouble following then some around me. I believe in healing, and Jesus said i could move mountains just by telling them to "get up." This, to me, is sound doctrine--nothing wrong with that.

The thing that i found was hard was the faith. If i can move mountains by faith of a mustard seed, why is Mt. Hood still in the same place? And if i try to heal and God does not show up and heal, what am i to say? I know that if i am going to do anything, i just have to believe it is going to happen, but still i feel that there are some difficult issues that no one seems to be willing to talk about.

I feel as though there is more to healing than just believing and walking up to some random kid with a broken leg and praying. Maybe i am wrong, maybe it just takes simple belief but i sometimes it seems that there is more at work than just that. I seem to wonder about when Jesus heals. Why at that very moment? Some of the guys have been sick for like 38 years, and Jesus comes along at that moment and decides at that time to heal that individual. And we see that a man's faith can heal him, his friend's faith can heal him, Jesus can heal long distance, or can heal you by just touching the cloche. That is crazy to me that there are so many options, yet there seems to be sketchy healings done on TV and around.

I don't want to be a skeptic of God's power, and i don't want to deny the power that God gave his people... i just want to know what is true. In our world, with our society, it is so hard to find truth--even in Christians and that makes it hard to hold onto a belief. really hard.

Now, how all this relates to Africa for me. Right now money has come in, and i am soooo thankful for that support. But i still have a ways to go. So then, what do i do? Do i only pray for the money and sit around? Do i make money for it, or does that show unbelief in God's ability? So i don't know what to do, but pray.

But it is bigger than just that. It is the whole deal of faith. The entire meal deal of healing and prayer, and stopping the sun from going down, and moving Mt. Hood out to Minnesota when i may come to CROWN if the Lord allows (and if i pray hard enough....right?) So I am hoping and praying, and i really do believe that God will show up and show me. I just hope i am open to getting the message that God wants me to get.

Cause hey, at least i have faith in that...right?